Leashes, Collars and Rats
by MrsBridgetSomerhalder
Summary: Coming home from a mission, Valek, Ari and Janco stumble upon a box...what's in the box? ..read and find out!  I suck at summaries!


**One Shot – Box Study**

* * *

Another mission complete...no thanks to the Power Twins constant pranks or fooling around.

"I still say we should've taken the horses with us" Ari muttered.

"Yeah...well, if we do what you say...we'd all be dead" Janco grumbled.

"If we listen to what you say we'd be half way to hell!" Ari hissed.

"Better than Dead" Janco sniggered.

"Shut up" I moaned, "how can you two be so...so...annoying!" I admonished. Both men laughed heartily, I had the strongest urge to walk to a tree and bang my head against it... repeatedly.

"Easy..." Janco grinned and sung a stupid song just to emphasise his point.

"Oh the world hates me" I muttered walking five feet ahead of them. I hummed to myself thinking of Yelena.

Her long wavy black hair that pooled to her waist, the forest green eyes...any man could get lost in those eyes and then her sweet lips. When the hell did I turn into a love sick fool?

I sighed and continued walking, my pace quickened with the earning feeling to have Yelena in my arms again.

I stumbled on a box that begun wailing. Boxes don't wail...in fact they don't even make a noise...

"Eh...okay" I got up and dusted myself off. "Seriously boxes can cry?" I muttered to myself opening the box revealing a little baby wrapped in a blanket, a pink blanket.

So I assume that it's a girl.

"Well...Hello there" I muttered and the crying ceased. "I wonder what they do with babies..." I asked, I waited for the power twins to arrive. "Do they put collars on you...so you know...don't get lost?" I asked and the baby gave me a quizzical look questioning my sanity.

"Yeah kid, I question my sanity all the time..."

The baby made some weird happy noise.

"Hey Sir" Janco clapped my back, the baby looked startled.

"Shut up newbie" I groaned pointing at the kid, "I don't think she likes loud noises" I muttered, Ari just stared at the baby, Janco made weird noises.

"Damn Valek...you work fast" he snickered, "can't wait to tell Yelena you got some chick preggers" he snorted.

"I did no such thing!" I protested in vain.

Ari and Janco both rolled their eyes at me. "We know...it was a joke...you know 'ha ha that was funny'" Janco laughed.

"Shut up," I snapped.

"Touchy..." Ari chuckled, the baby started crying loudly.

"What do we do?" Ari asked.

"Hang it by its feet and see if it shuts up?" Janco asked.

"No...maybe...Stuff one of those mushrooms in its mouth?" I suggested.

"No...maybe we should make faces..." Janco mumbled.

"No...maybe we-"

"Maybe I'll just pick her up and cradle her" Ari snapped picking up the little bundle of pink rocking her gently.

"Now what?" Janco and I muttered impatiently.

"We get home and try to find her parents" Ari spoke confidently.

"Fine...we'll set camp here tonight and set off again in the morning" I sighed making a fire while Janco got out some food.

* * *

The baby crying kept me up all night, along with Ari and Janco.

"I hate kids" was all Janco said.

"Ditto" was all I said.

"Shut up!" Ari snapped rocking the baby back and forth.

"We were just being honest" I muttered.

"Yeah well you two oafs aren't helping the situation" Ari hissed. I gently took the wailing thing from Ari and sighed rocking it back and forth humming a song my mother used to sign to me.

The child's tiny feet kicked her arms failing about until she got drowsy and fisted my shirt tightly in her grasp.

"Wow natural" Ari and Janco whistled.

"Shut up...you'll wake her up...again" I hissed quietly and they laughed.

"Valek's got a paternal side...who would've thought..." Ari chuckled.

"One more word out of either of you and you'll bother be locked up in cells located below the castle" I promised, they both shut up, Janco mumbling something about 'big mother freaking rats the size of balls'.

The walk back to the castle was nice, except when the baby passed gas...turns out it was much more than gas.

"Oh damn!" Janco covered his nose, Ari retched into a bush. "What in the name of fate has the kid eaten?"

"A buffalo by the smell" Ari's nose twitched, I placed the kid on the blanket and watched as it begun to fidget and wail.

"What do we do?" Janco asked.

"I don't know...Valek you are the ring leader..." Ari shrugged.

"I don't know anything about children" I muttered flatly.

"But you are old enough to have about five lying around somewhere" Janco laughed.

"Rats, Janco...big rats" was all I said, he shut his cakehole pretty darn quick. "Since I'm ring leader...what the ring leader says goes...Janco change the kid" I smirked.

"What why me?" he hissed.

"Because...I said so" I grinned.

"No freaking way!" Janco stood back from the crying baby.

"Big juicy rats with huge whiskers, ruby red eyes, black tails, long scathing nails and sharp-"

"I'LL DO IT...JUST SHUT UP!" he hissed kneeling over the kid.

He carefully peeled the kid's clothes off and took of the nappy, we all looked at the nappy with disgust etched into our faces.

"How can a kid that small create all that...crap" Ari muttered.

"And more pressing, how the hell did someone loose a baby...specially one as annoying as this one?" Janco muttered hissing profanities under his breath while he washed the kid's butt clean.

"There, now to put clothes on your bare ass" Janco muttered. "Say do we have any kid's clothes..."

"Yes...because we carry along children's clothes when we go to missions just in case we come across a little child... which happens 88% of the time" I grumbled.

"Jeezes keep your panties on Valek" Ari chuckled.

"My panties are on" I mumbled under my breath so they couldn't hear. No I do not wear panties...but I am wearing some form of underwear.

"We'll just have to wrap her up in one of Valek shirts," Janco shrugged grabbing out one of my black shirts.

"HEY I LIKE THAT SHIRT!" I yelled in protest, Ari and Janco both rolled their eyes.

"You have another thirty exactly the same colour, style and size...i don't see what's so special about this one" Ari rolled his eyes.

"It...It's...it's just my shirt now put it back and get someone else's clothes and wrap it around the monkey" I sighed snatching my shirt.

Yelena wore that shirt...that's why I didn't want it wrapped around the baby. I mean come on...it smells of lavender, it's the only thing I have that reminds me of her right now.

"Let's get going, shall we?" Ari chuckled, Janco had the baby strapped to his chest.

* * *

"It spat up all over me!" Janco whined, I walked to the tree and whacked my head against the tree three times, hoping this was all, a horrible dream.

"WHAAA WAAAAAA WHAAAAA!"

Nope not a dream...

"Ari! Get the freak away from me!" Janco screamed trying to undo the knots on the sling thing.

"Calm down Janco...it's just a baby" Ari laughed.

"One evil mother...fudging baby!" Janco whine running toward a lake before he bombed into it.

"I hate kids" I muttered.

"Can't wait until Yelena gets pregnant" Ari chuckled.

"I can't wait to throw you two into a dirty cell with massive rats!"

"Calm down Major" he chuckled, I wanted to pummel Ari right there.

"You're lucky I have restraint" I hissed.

* * *

"What an adorable baby!" Dilana cooed, this is sick.

"I know...look at those tiny hands" Maren smiled at the baby.

"And those Jade green eyes" Yelena crooned placing a kiss on the baby's head. I had to carry the little runt here since both the stupid power twins refused to... so much for being in command.

"Aw...where did you find her?" Yelena asked kissing my cheek. Wanted a little more action than that...but I guess that was out of the question with the kid in my arms.

"In a box" I mumbled flatly, "in the forest..."

"Aw poor baby."

"How do you suggest we find her parents?" Janco asked rubbing is head.

"Posters" I shrugged.

"She isn't a dog!" Yelena frowned.

"I knew that" I smiled.

"Of course...in the mean time we'll have to keep an eye on her," Dilana grinned.

"We'll put a collar and leash on her" Ari, Janco and I both said at once. Our other halves have us dirty looks and marched off with the baby mumbling 'dumbasses'.

"What? I thought our idea of the leash and collar was responsible..." Janco looked confused.

"So did I..."

* * *

**Hey there,**

**Hope y'all enjoyed that!**

**Please review. Favourite parts or whatever! **

**Much Love Bridget!**


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